


I'm A Mess

by larisfreakshow



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post 3x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 17:42:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6124881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larisfreakshow/pseuds/larisfreakshow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Nathan finds out that Monty only joined Pike on his killing spree because he hoped to save grounders</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Mess

Nathan was angry. He was angry at Pike, he was angry and Brian and he was angry and Monty. Especially at Monty.

Nathan had always believed that Monty was the best of them, the one with the purest heart, the clearest mind and the best intentions. He had always respected Monty for who he was, and he had tried to be there when Monty lost Jasper. But now all Nathan felt for Monty was disappointment.

Making his way through Arkadia to the tech room Monty worked in Nathan tried to figure out what to say, how to express his frustration.

When he entered he was just about to start yelling at Monty until he realized that he was crying. Face buried in his hands Monty was sitting at the table. He didn’t seem to notice Nathan, he was sobbing into his hands, shaking his head to himself.

Nathan cleared his throat and Monty looked up. His eyes looked empty, red, like he had cried for hours.

“I didn’t save her.”

Right. Brian had mentioned that Monroe hadn’t made it. He had also mentioned that Monty tried to save her, but Nathan hadn’t considered the pain this had caused Monty. Slowly he sat down at the other side of the table, looking Monty directly into the eyes.

“You did all you could.”

Monty shook his head, staring at a point somewhere behind Nathan.

“Pike makes Octavia responsible for her… her death,” he whispered. “But… she saved them.” He looked up. His eyes were full of sorrow.

Nathan didn’t know what to say. In his head he had prepared a speech to make Monty regret joining Pike on his killing spree, but it seemed like he didn’t need Nathan for that.

“Why did you go with them?” he asked quietly.

“I thought…” Monty eyes were filling with tears again. “I thought I could save them… some of them… and Pike wouldn’t notice…”

Silence.

“I never wanted to kill anyone.” Monty burst out. His voice was so full of desperation it left Nathan speechless. “You… you thought I would have hurt someone…” Pain. There was pain in his voice. And disappointed. The same kind of disappointment that Nathan had felt before. “But I guess you were right. Monroe didn’t make it. Because of me.”

“No.”

Nathan reached for Monty’s hand, but Monty drew back. “She is dead because of me.”

“No,” Nathan repeated. “She is dead because of Pike, you hear me? Pike is the one who sent you in there, he wanted to kill all those grounders. You tried to save her. You went back for her when nobody else would.”

“But I failed.”

Monty slowly got up, wiping tears off of his face. “At least Octavia saved someone today. You’re working with her, aren’t you? Tell her I’m glad she has the guts to do what’s right. Not like me.”

“Monty.”

Nathan got up as well and took a step closer to Monty. He knew that words wouldn’t help Monty, that words wouldn’t make him feel better about himself, so Nathan took Monty’s face in his hands, thumbs on his cheekbones.

“Octavia is proud of what you did.”

“No, she’s not. She thinks I would have killed grounders.”

Monty turned his head away, but Nathan followed him, took a step to the left, hands still on Monty’s face and slowly raised his head so Monty had to look him in the eyes.

“Octavia is your friend, she believes in you doing the right thing. Just like I do.”

A tiny smile appeared in the corner of Monty’s mouth, and that smile was worth it. It was worth all the things he had thought before, all the disappointed both of them had felt seemed to fade with that small smile.

For a moment they just stood there, staring into each other’s eyes, until Nathan slowly lowered his head and pressed a soft kiss onto Monty’s cheek. He could feel the boy’s skin heat up under his lips and for a moment it seemed like Nathan was going to move his lips down to Monty’s mouth, but the tension was interrupted when they heard voices coming from the hallway and Nathan let go of Monty.

They glanced at each other and Nathan found something in Monty’s eyes that he had missed to see: hope.


End file.
